Monday, December 5, 2011

Another Reason to HATE Universal Studios

My wife's Uncle Frank, some of you may know as Uncle Freak, was one of my closest friends and a huge Universal Monster fan and a HUGE Creature from the Black Lagoon fan, I mean that was the majority of his collection of monster memorabilia. He passed away in August after a long and painful battle with cancer. If he were alive today he'd be one livid mother f'er, I's sure he's raising Hell in the afterlife over this.

By this I mean the fabulously stupid and demeaning Universal Studios Creature from the Black Lagoon - A Raging Rockin' Show...excuse me a minute...I just threw up in my mouth...

Okay I'm better now...

Anyway, apparantly the same bone heads that decided no one that visits Universal Studios wants Universal Monster merchandise got it in their think friggin heads that what the world needed was a rock opera based around a Universal Monster. Now I'm not talking about the Beetlejuice Rocking Monster thing or whatever it's called in Florida, we'll let that one slide because the Bride in it is a hot little number and I have a thing for the Bride of Frankenstein anyway. No these bone heads said lets make a musical, Hey! Let's make it with the one Universal Monster that can't friggin talk...cause he's a fish man....Yeah! Then we won;t have to make a new movie with him because everyone will hate the character....jerks...

What? Think I'm being harsh? Here's the actual plot synopsis of the show;

"Universal Studios Hollywood introduces “Creature from The Black Lagoon—A Raging Rockin’ Show,” featuring an all-original score and dazzling Broadway-level production values in a hip, musical stage adaptation of the Universal horror classic, opening exclusively at The Entertainment Capital of L.A. on July 1.

The new musical attraction has an approximate 25-minute running time and a storyline that has been updated from the original screenplay to infuse romance and comic relief with extravagant stagecraft, acrobatic choreography and a hilarious and contemporary musical score certain to keep the production moving at a sizzling pace.

Audiences will be immersed within a menacing Amazon environment, completely enveloped by the exotic sounds of the jungle as they watch the twisted love story between beauty and beast unfold. From the production’s first moments, guests will be thrust into an unexpectedly outrageous, bizarrely romantic, melodic and often outlandishly comic adventure as this monster classic is re-imagined for the 21st Century.

“Creature from the Black Lagoon—A Raging Rockin’ Show” is being realized for the stage by Universal Creative and an award-winning theatrical production team drawing from the best of Broadway that includes, Director Gerard Alessandrini, best known for creating, writing and directing all editions of FORBIDDEN BROADWAY and FORBIDDEN HOLLYWOOD; Tony Award®-nominated Choreographer Lynne Taylor-Corbett, whose credits include Footloose, starring Kevin Bacon and Bewitched, starring Nicole Kidman; Scenic Designer James Youmans, whose credits include Broadway’s WEST SIDE STORY and GYPSY, starring Patti LuPone as well as Barry Manilow’s Showstoppers International Tour; Creature & Puppet Designer Michael Curry, one of the world’s leading production designers and whose credits boast THE LION KING the 1996 and 2002 Olympic opening and closing ceremonies and Cirque du Soleil®; Fly Sequence Designer Paul Rubin, whose accomplishments include elaborate aerial stunts for WICKED, PETER PAN, and the Tony Awards®; and Producer Marc Routh, whose Broadway credits include, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, GYPSY, starring Patti LuPone, Mel Brooks’ YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN and THE PRODUCERS."

Here's testimonial from a poor sap that had to sit through this:
"The show opens with a massive screen over the stage, and we watch a clip from The Today Show with Matt Lauer, and they're talking about the Creature. And they set it up as if Universal made the film based off of a real creature, and how a new team of explorers are going after it. HOWEVER, when we finally see the new guys and gals, they're still dressed as if in the 1950's... So that's a little confusing!
The first song, "BLACK LAGOON" is horrible! It sticks in your head all day and haunts your nightmares even! This is CapitanA Miranda's song...yes, Capitana! They made the captain a woman. This song goes on to tell "even the water smells like cheese in the Black Lagoon... Even the Disney Cruises flee from the Black Lagoon." It's horrible!

The second song is Kay's song, and it's actually really good. It's part of the swimming portion, which is done with wires above the audience. The Creature comes out and swims with her as she sings, and that number ends when he starts grabbing at her. So that's a good scene... the only one in the whole show. I mean it's really good and feels like the film! But it can't save the show!

The next song is "Prime Evil," which is everyone singing about the Creature! And then the Creature climbs onto the boat and starts singing too! They even poke at it during the song, "Oh no, he's going to sing!" I mean really?? Come on! This is a doo-wop number too!

Then the Creature kidnaps Kay and takes her back to his lair, which now has a little couch type seashell for her to sit on, and even a mini-bar type area! And of this is where they do their duet, "Strange new hunger." OH, I forgot, this is also where the Creature speaks, and for whatever reason, he's British! After the song, Mark and David rush in to save Kay. Before she goes, the Creature tells her his name....GIL! He gets shot with a speargun, and that ends that scene.

The next scene, they're all back onto the boat, but now we hear massive footsteps... think King Kong! See the image of the Creature on the poster above where he's massive and holding the boat? Yeah, that's the ending. How's he get that big you ask?? Well one of the guys on the expedition shoots him with a speargun, but the spear fell into his mail order supply of male enhancement cream! I SWEAR TO GOD! Kay realizes she loves Gil, and goes to him. He lifts her up, she sits in mouth and sings a little more, then he eats her. That's the end of the show! "

Ya know what, you all be the it yourself...

Ho ho ho, the Creature grows to 25 feet tall because of penis enlargement medication, what comedic genius, this type of comedy brilliance is so wasted here, this brain trust needs to be writing on feature films. What really burns my's a pretty nice Creature design.might have made a decent version for a serious film....Gah...MUST SMASH SOMETHING...


  1. I thought I read somewhere this got canned already because it was an epic failure? And if you hadn't heard, Universal FL is shutting down the Jaws attraction. Rumor has it to make room for more Harry Potter land. I like HP but leave Jaws alone!

  2. F Harry Potter and the Grab for Cash, and good if it's closed, hope it burned to the ground

  3. Are you F'in kidding!! I could not watch the video's! The poster alone is bad. But I agree with Dex Jaws should not be touch for HP land.

  4. are no adequate words that come to my mind for this travesty.


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